Dating Tales Discussion: Why settle?


“They won’t be a gentleman because that makes them appear soft,” she said of modern men in her VF interview. “That’s what we’re dealing with now, a hundred percent, and girls are settling for that, but I won’t. I will wait forever if I have to … but that’s OK. You have to be screwed over enough times to know, but now I’m hoping for more than these guys can actually give.” ~ Rihanna

Recently, one of my good friends stated how tiring it is to read social media posts accusing women of holding their standards too high when it comes to men and relationships.  I recently started watching the HBO Original Series Insecure, starring Issa Rae.  The show follows the lives of two female best friends and their dating lives.  The first few episodes send a clear message that females miss out on good men because they are setting standards that are impossible to meet.  One of the episodes showed a perfect blind date gone awry due to the man being charming, saying all the right things, looking good on paper, yet was really just interested in a hook up.  The character had turned her back on a blooming romance with another guy due to the fact that he lacked a college degree.  I question if this is really the message we want to send.

Nowadays, it is perfectly acceptable to communicate primarily via text.  The dating scene remains in a constant state of superficiality due to the fact that most people are content with sending numerous selfies all day, with little communication outside of that.  There is also a high demand for immediate responses and validations from virtual strangers.  You can quickly lose out on a potential love interest all because you didn’t respond fast enough.  A lot of this is blamed on the so called per capita ratio of men versus women; the notion that there has been a shortage of men for some time now.  Whether you buy into this or not, it is clear that the general consensus is that men have the upper hand and women are losing out.

In my opinion, many people have become very lazy in their relationships.  Quality over quantity is jeopardized continuously by the ‘take flight’ mentality that most people practice.  Many seem to want a perpetual honeymoon and that is just unrealistic.  The hookup mentality has proven detrimental to the dating scene and the individuals that buy into this mentality cause those who value deeper relationships to suffer.

I say stop complaining about this backward state of affairs if you continue to practice it.  If you want to see change, then be part of the change.  I don’t feel it is unreasonable to desire certain characteristics and wait until you find someone that meets your requirements.  Like Rihanna said, even if that means you have to wait forever, enjoy the journey.  If it is mean to be, it will be.

So my question to my followers is this: at what point do we re-evaluate our standards?  If you have particular expectations for a significant other, is it not considered settling when you unwillingly lower those standards just to be in a relationship?  Please leave your comments below.  *All comments will be moderated prior to being posted.  Anything disrespectful or overly offensive will not be approved*

Until next time, stop settling for anyone less than what you desire!

~ Mara Prose


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