The story that everyone wants to continue, lol

I recently took my first creative writing class.  One of our assignments was to finish the sentence that start Chris started to regret…  Then at the end of the class, we had to choose a story revise and improve it as our last assignment.  I chose this story simply because it was easy to revise and elaborate upon.  Up until this point, we only shared our stories with the professor for critique, but on this last assignment, we had the option to share it with our peers.  I was really nervous about sharing such a silly story but I have to say, it was a great decision to do so.  I am copying pasting the story and the critiques below.  I have not decided if I will continue the story, that remains to be seen.  Hope you enjoy it as much as my classmates have.

Supernatural’s Trip

Chris no longer felt the need to continue on his current journey, but there was no turning back

now. Being a huge fan of the television series Supernatural, Chris had somehow convinced

himself that somewhere out in the world there were hunters just like the main characters, Sam

and Dean, in the series. One drunken night somewhere between nirvana and hangover, Chris

stumbled across a gory television show with two cool looking guys. Twenty minutes later, he was

so engrossed in the series, he watched the remaining back to back episodes. That was the night

Chris determined his destiny; he was meant to be a hunter. The next day, Chris put in for a leave

of absence and began to make preparations to take his first hunting trip. He secretly hoped he

would be able to hunt a demon right off the bat.

He decided he couldn’t dare leave without the right tools, booze and necessary food supplies. As

he was exiting his vehicle at the local Walmart, he was shocked to witness a white unicorn

galloping across the parking lot right in front of his eyes. He immediately reached back inside his

vehicle, slapping his head foolishly, as it dawned on him that he didn’t have any real reason to be

back inside his car. By the time he reached the other side of the parking lot, there was nothing

there but a broken down shopping cart with only two wheels remaining along with some empty

starburst wrappers. Chris attempted to hide his despair by consoling himself with a couple of

Vicodin tablets, three Xanax, and four Tylenol PMs.

After loading up on all the supplies he could recall from the series, he went to the nearest bank to

empty his bank account of the last few dollars he had remaining in his checking and savings. He

knew just from watching the series that these scouting expeditions could take weeks, even

months and he wanted to do justice to his new profession. He briefly contemplated calling his

parents to say goodbye, but the last thing he needed was leaving a breadcrumb trail to his

whereabouts. His strange kinship towards Sam and Dean convinced him that he also needed to

hit up the local bookstore and become well versed in all the monsters that may cross his path

while he is out on his missions. He knew exactly where he wanted his scouting to begin, in the

great wilderness of Wisconsin.

What started off as a stellar idea, was quickly diminishing into hopelessness and despair. His

tank was on E, his heater had stopped working several miles back and the temperature had

dropped twenty more degrees in the frigid weather. It wasn’t long before his old Chevy came to a

sputtering halt in the middle of nowhere-ville on the darkest night he had ever encountered. As

frightening as the thought was, Chris took this as a sign that this area was to be his first scouting

mission. He slowly exited his vehicle, cursing the entire way as an iceberg like wind slapped him

across the face. Chris briefly considered making an attempt to fix his vehicle but he knew it would

be a futile attempt. There was no time like the present for him to begin to venture off into the dark

woods and start killing off the demons that plagued society.

No sooner had he shut his trunk, did he notice out the corner of his eye a green figure dashing

behind a tree. Chris knew this was a sneaky leprechaun that needed his devilish ways curtailed.

He sprinted into the woods after the little critter and secretly hoped he was hiding a pot gold.

Chris sprinted into the forest, tripped and felt himself tumbling down what he could only assume

was a rabbit hole set up by the leprechaun to trap him. Try as hard as he might, he couldn’t

stop himself from tumbling down and down and down further until he finally slammed into

whatever broke his fall. Not only did it break his fall it broke his arm and the pain was

excruciating. He tried to feel around for his supply bag but it was nowhere to be found.

Every second that passed, found him more and more in pain. He couldn’t take it anymore, he

started to scream for help, hoping that the white rabbit would come save him, fix his arm and put

him back on the leprechaun’s trail. The cold air made more than his arm ache and Chris tried to

no avail to fight back the tears that were now running down his face. Suddenly, there was a flash

of light and Chris breathed a sigh of relief since he knew he was rescued. He could feel himself

starting to drift out of consciousness and he welcomed the sweet oblivion.

The next day, Chris woke up in the emergency room, handcuffed to his bed, wondering which

Supernatural episode he needed to re-watch to learn to catch a sneaky leprechaun.

Classmates Critiques:

Maria Ruiz, Posted Jun. 20th

It was great.  I felt like watching one of those YouTube satires about a TV show. You MUST write what happens after! If a nurse from underworld (that actually is an ex gff) helps him out. Its brilliant.
Jacqueline Jones, Posted Jun. 20th
You have a wild imagination. Are you turning this piece into a series? I enjoyed reading your story. It moved fast.
Sarah Macfarlane, Posted Jun. 18th
Thanks so much for this great piece. I learned a lot from your writing. It inspires me to broaden my scope and dig deeper into my imagination
McKensey Bagwell, Posted Jun. 17th
Wildly entertaining read! The image of the white unicorn galloping across the Walmart parking lot made me crack up.  I’ve never seen Supernatural, but I think all of us can relate to total submersion in a series.  Your descriptions throughout the whole ordeal were very detailed and allowed the reader to feel your frustration.  I was left wondering who rescued you?  It might be funny to add some dialogue at the hospital with whomever it may be. Or even a nurse attendant. Good work.
Michele Dennis, Posted Jun. 17th
Enjoyed the read.  Like your creativity.  When I read stories like this, I envy the writer’s talent.  Nice job.  Thanks for sharing.

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