As I was watching one of my favorite tv shows, (Sex and the City of course lol), I related to the Charlotte character lamenting about harboring animosity towards her ex-husband for destroying her faith in ever finding love again.  She was afraid to put herself out there, but desperately wanted to find a new love.

This made me think: how do we regain our faith in love after a tragic heartbreak?   How do we pick up the pieces and move on without carrying the baggage with us?  It’s funny how you think about the beginning at the end, but you never stop and think about the end at the beginning.  We all want to believe and enjoy an everlasting love but sadly, all things must come to an end one way or another.

The beginning of relationships contain so much hope, euphoria and optimism.  At the end of a relationship, no matter how amicable, we can fall into the trap of questioning, doubt and hopelessness.  Our truth becomes love does not actually conquer all, and the very emotion that was once our ally turns into our enemy.

First and foremost, to believe in love again, you must heal first.  Do not rebound by rushing into another relationship, you will only delay the healing process.  I know this is easier said than done but it is imperative for your overall mental and future relationship health.  You need to take time to process it all and work through your own internal demons.  I feel you should also accept responsiblity for your part in the demise of the relationship.  Too few of us actually accept partial blame, and instead wind up perpetual victims to the wrong relationships.  Honestly, I am not saying anything that hasn’t been said before, but it is always nice to have certain messages reiterated.

Secondly, I believe it is imperative to surround yourself with the right people – the encourager, those who embrace, the empathetic and all those who are determined to uplift you and see you through a heartbreak.  This is the time to release the clingers, the ME first people and all those draining individuals that do nothing but drag you down into the dumps with them.  Look, this will be the time you start to reconstruct the jigsaw pieces of your life’s puzzle.  It is perfectly acceptable to be selfish during this time and nurse your wounds.

Lastly and most importantly, do not give up on love if it is of utmost importance to you.  There should be nothing that should come between you and your ultimate goal if you focus and continually make wise decisions.  Just remember to proceed with caution, be selective and choose wisely.  And above all else, pray and allow God to guide your steps – meaning keep Him first and everything else will fall into place.

As I stated before, I am not saying anything that has not been said before.  Believe me, I know how hard it is to follow this guidance.  I am in the current stage of if it has a hint of commitment, I run for the hills.  Of course, part of it is commit-phobia but the other part is I am simply not ready to embrace another relationship.  The remnants of my marriage are too fresh and I do not feel I would do anyone any justice by attempting to date and chance someone catching too deep of feelings at this point and time in my life.  For now, I have all the love I need in my life and there is no room for anyone else.

So how do you believe in love again after heartbreak?  You heal, you grow, you learn and then you love again.

~ Author Mara Prose