Happy Monday, Prosers! Yesterday, I celebrated my 43rd birthday. As per my usual tradition, I want to share with you the growth I have achieved over this past year. 43 finds me in very unfamiliar territory, but it is a territory full of self awareness, true confidence and most importantly, absolute peace of mind.
I love to share my journey with others in the hope someone will stumble across my writing and be inspired enough to press on despite any adversary they may be facing at the time. If you have read my poetic testimonial, The Journey to Mara Prose, you are well aware of the many battles I have faced with trauma bonds, depression and anxiety. Finally, at the age of 43 I have not only found my voice, but also have found my identity, my purpose and self love. My journey is far from complete, but who I am now is exactly who I have been working towards for the past three years. So let’s begin with some of the areas that I witnessed the most growth.
This past year has been a wonderful year of growth in my relationship with my daughter. There was a period of time where she was very angry with me about my divorce from her father a few years back, and unfortunately, I did a poor job in validating her feelings and nursing her through it. I have always wanted us to be thick as thieves, and we finally are at that point. We may still butt heads, bicker and get on one another’s nerves, but it is only because we are so alike; and that is scary LOL! With her leaving for college this Fall, I am cherishing every moment with her, and I finally feel confident that I am setting the appropriate examples for her to become successful at life. Special shout out to my baby boy Xavier Floyd, where it goes without saying that there will always be a deep connection and unbreakable bond between us. I simply Thank God for the blessing of them.
What initially started as a journey to simply find more love for myself, has turned into mastering the ability to find love for everyone. The past three years, I have been bitter, afraid and self defeating at times. I have been closed off and intolerant, afraid to get too close to anyone. But in the past year, I have been awarded the art of discernment. I know when to let someone in, and when to keep my distance. I work to lead by example in all areas of my life so that others will find their own self love. I am not talking about romantic relationships, I am speaking on all my interpersonal relationships. I now understand that there will be times that people I adore will inadvertently hurt me, or maybe even purposely hurt me. But with the self loving I provide myself on a daily basis, I know not to take these instances too personally. You never know the battles someone else is facing, and it is best to always try your best to handle everyone with care. It is true that you receive what you put out into the world, so I choose to be loving, empathetic and caring to most, just as I would want them to exert those same qualities towards me.
One of my more recent revelations to self, is the fact that I have been emotionally immature for a good portion of my life. This immaturity has caused me a lot of pain, strife, guilt and condemnation. I recently told someone I love deeply that when you know better, you do better, but you cannot do better until you know better. This will be a controversial statement and will offend some, but to face yourself is courage and to avoid it is cowardice. Too bad the world is full of many cowards. It is hard and painful realizing that most of the time you are your own worst enemy, but at the same time, it is the most freeing and wonderful release to accept that knowledge. I exhaled for the first time this year, and finally realize exactly what Terry McMillan was stating in her book “Waiting to Exhale.” I truly believe I have been waiting to exhale for the past ten years of my life. From this revelation, I now keep certain sermons and life coaching videos on repeat daily and have made them a lifestyle change. I want to continue to grow, mature and form an even deeper connection with God, because He is my one true father and knows what is best for me and will continue to guide me towards being the best version of me. If you take away nothing else from this blog post, please take away the fact that working daily on your emotional maturity is paramount to your life.
I realize for the past year, I have been praying away the wrong strongholds. While my prayers were primarily focused on strongholds towards a person, God revealed to me recently that the strongholds that I should be praying away were all centered around me. Selfishness, tunnel vision, pride, envy and a strong fear of missing out were actually the strongholds that I should have been praying away. I should have been praying away the constant need for validation, and I should have been praying away anything that opposed my being authentic not only with others, but mostly with myself. At 43, the only stronghold I need is one with God. It is important to cast away all negative strongholds, because just as Joyce Meyer’s states “where the mind goes, the flesh follows.” You need to be controlled by the desires of the spirit and not the flesh. Believe me, life is so much easier, happier and carefree when you think the right things on purpose and practice self discipline in all matters of the mind.
There is a lot more growth I would love to share with you, but that will now be done via The Mara Prose Podcast – Prosey’s Corner, found on Spotify and iHeartRadio. Nicky and I will not only interview talented individuals, we will have individual discussions among ourselves on various topics and I will also have several solo shows where I expound upon and share how I continue to grow, mature and seek out my purpose.
In regards to book 2 of The Davenports, we are simply waiting for the links to go live on Amazon and Barnes and Noble. In the meantime, be sure to visit Barnes & Noble.com or Amazon. com to purchase your copy of the first book in the Davenports series: The Davenports: A Battle of Wills. Finally! Not too much longer until all my followers are able to return to the epic world of corruption, greed, power and the tormented love affair between Alessandra Davenport and Steven Kane.
Until next time,
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