MARA PROSE’S AHA! MOMENT: I AM NORMAL BUT NOT NORMAL

Joyce Meyer once said she is a good wife, but not a normal wife. She is a good mother, but not a normal mother. That message really spoke to me, because that describes me. For those not familiar with me or my work, let me explain the purpose of the Aha! Moments I have decided to share.

After publishing The Journey to Mara Prose: A Poetic Testimonial, I realized how broken I was and how unrecognizable I had become. From the moment that the completed book was delivered to me, I decided that I would rebuild, renew, and come back better and stronger than ever before. I entered therapy, I started to study and I immersed myself in the word of God. I also did something I had never done before, I shut out all distractions and the noise from all of those who loved to tell me who I should be and what I should be doing. That was three years ago, and I am now a better, stronger, and much-renewed version of Mara. It has not been an easy transition; it has been painful, confusing, and frustrating, but oh so rewarding! Codependency was my truth, but it is no longer my gospel.

I am not where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be. Now, my day incorporates waking up at 4am and watching sermons on TBN until 6am. Beginning at 6am, I listen to my favorite life coaches, therapists and motivational speakers on YouTube until around 8ish. I not only listen to my sermons and self-therapy at these times, but I also listen to them at various times throughout the day. This is a lifestyle change and it is something I am committed to until my last breath on this earth.

For years, I spent way too much time spinning my wheels trying to be ‘Normal’. I would look at other mothers, and worry they would think I am not a good mother if I did not try to perform as the world said a mother should perform. I would read books, listen to other women, and then I would try to mimic what equated to a ‘good mother’ depicted in magazines, books, movies, and television. Since it was not organic to my authentic self, I was never able to sustain them. It took many years for me to realize, I had to do things that worked for me and my children. I have never been a Suzy Homemaker. I have never been the mother to cook elaborate meals, decorate for every holiday, or attend every PTA event. But I love my children with a fierceness, and I show up for them in a way that is authentic to us as a family. I listen to their feelings, I provide sound guidance and I work on myself several hours out of each day so that I am able to support them the way they need to be supported. They are my purpose, so I do everything I know to do ON PURPOSE, to remain true to that purpose.

Even in my writing, I would look at other authors/writers and feel like I was sorely lacking and feared I would never live up to the accomplishments they had achieved. Again, I felt like I was not a ‘Normal’ writer. I have been guilty of setting unrealistic deadlines on myself in an effort to push myself in my writing. I constantly edit and re-edit to achieve the perfect prose for my readers. If I found a typo after publication, I would beat myself up about it for weeks. Well, once again, I had to learn to be the writer I was called to be in the moment I am supposed to be it. This means while I remain disciplined, I can only write when the ideas flow within me. If I make a mistake, oh well, I am human. If you judge my writing on a typo and never read my material again, then you were never meant to be reading my work in the first place. None of my writing is geared towards the judgmental, so it would be pointless for that type of individual to even try to follow my writing.

Normal is a simpleminded word in my opinion and should never be applied to much of anything in life. You know what is ‘Normal’? Normal is what works best for you, your family, and where you are in life. Normal does not need to translate to anyone else but you. When I was married, I was a very unconventional wife but you know what, it worked for us at that time. I may not be a Beaver Cleaver mother, but I am a damn good mother. Yes, there were certainly times I was a bad wife, bad mother, bad friend, bad daughter but those bad moments are just that – moments in time. If I am judged on a moment in my life, then that person is foolish because that moment in my life only defines where I was at that particular moment in time; a time affected by the challenges of the day. It does not define me as a whole. Small-minded people who are not privy to the intricacies of my life can never be expected to see the big picture or understand me as a whole. Unless you live inside my house, head, and heart, you will never have a full understanding of who I am and where I am coming from, so never try to paint a picture of me with your assumptions.

So Today’s Aha! Moment: Stop trying to be normal, and just be who you are. To hell with everyone else and what they may think, assume or even falsely define you as. Be the normal that is normal to YOU!

Until my next Aha!

Mara Prose